Final Week of 2009

I saw this meme over on Melissa's blog and liked it, so I decided to answer the questions for myself.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

I went on a canoe trip to the Boundary Waters Canoe Area Wilderness in northern Minnesota. From midday Monday through early evening Thursday, 4 of us paddled out into a series of lakes. I carried a canoe on my shoulders across rocky portages, saw a moose in the wild, learned how to squat and pee without wetting my clothes, and was roughing it in a way I'd never done before. I grew up car camping but this was on a totally different scale altogether. It was a lot of fun, and by the end, I was torn between wishing we would have one more day and being ready for it to be DONE. My shoulders and back were the loudest advocates for the latter. ;-)




2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Well, I didn't learn how to swim properly, nor did I do better about calling my friends on the phone (phone anxiety, GAH!), and I even slacked off on my blog. The one private goal I make every year also went unfulfilled. I don't remember what any of the other goals for the year were. That could well be my problem with keeping them, LOL! I am undecided about what goals to set for 2010, though I will probably set some.

3. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve?

At my sister's house, probably playing games. This has been a tradition for the past few years.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

A running friend died very unexpectedly in late July. He wasn't a close friend in the sense of calling each other or keeping tabs on each other's daily lives other than through the online forum where we met, but we spent time together at races with our group of running friends. We even road tripped together to Philly for a race once with another person so I got to hear a lot of his stories. His death was a complete shock and it sometimes is still disconcerting to realize that he isn't posting stories for our amusement anymore. RIP Joe.

5. What countries did you visit?

Texas.



6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

The opportunity to meet that private goal. For my job responsibilities to be reconfigured to make it less insanely busy.

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Aug 21, the day that my newest niece was born. On her daddy's birthday no less!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Finishing my only half-marathon of the year with a smile on my face, despite feeling a lot of pain and despite it being my slowest ever race at that distance (out of 8 total).




9. What was your biggest failure?

I am a bit of a perfectionist, but there isn't anything I did that I would consider a true failure. I didn't mess up at work or at life in any significant way. I'm disappointed in myself that I did not follow through better on some of my goals, but I consider most of them to be long-term projects anyway.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I had a really dodgy hip following the half marathon that caused me to take a complete rest from running for awhile. I'm slowly getting myself back into gear but it's hard. I also got stung by a bee for only the 2nd time in my life.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

I finally upgraded to DSL internet connection with wifi. As a bonus, I also have a DVR now.

12. Where did most of your money go?

This is an easy one. Bills!


13. What song will always remind you of 2009?

None that came out this year. See my answer to #19. ;-) For a timeless song that helps sum up my year, check this out. And see my answer to #22.

14. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Go out with friends. Make new friends, ideally some who live in my same city. Date. (I think I mean that last one. My dating anxiety is much worse than my phone anxiety.)

15. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Work.

16. What was your favorite TV program?

OSU football. :)

17. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

No

18. What was the best book you read?

I didn't actually read all that many new books this year. Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal was the funniest, Three Cups of Tea was pretty interesting too once I got used to the style.

19. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Pandora. :-) I'm really bad about listening to new music unless my friends pass it along to me, so I finally created an account on Pandora to give myself broader exposure to different music than I normally get via the radio.

20. What was your favorite film of this year?

I think I saw just 2 movies in the movie theatre this year. One was X-Men Origins: Wolverine, the other was Public Enemies. I liked both. It's hard to say which I liked better, both had their pros and cons. I had fun watching Wolverine at a drive-in, though the picture quality isn't as good as in a normal theatre.

21. What did you do on your birthday?

Worked.

22. What kept you sane?

Spending time with friends and family.

23. Who did you miss?

All of my friends who went to the Outer Banks for fun and running in November, since I couldn't be there with them. :-)

24. Who was the best new person you met?

Margarita Mary, my newest niece (and goddaughter!)





25. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:

It's a good idea to properly wash a bee sting.

'Tis the Season

I was reading another blog where people were posting memories about good/bad gifts and one commenter talked about some handmade gifts she had made in her childhood years that were goofy looking but that the recipient loves to this day. Her post triggered a whole host of memories of gifts given and received.

My best friend from grade 5-8 was Rita. She was a year younger than I, and we were both the social misfits in our respective classes. We had first become friends a year earlier when we were munchkins in the local community theatre's production of the Wizard of Oz. We had a lot of fun together in those years, and one year we made Christmas gifts for each other. I don't remember what I gave her, but she made me a cloth candy cane. I haven't set up a Christmas tree in a few years, but when I do, that candy cane always has a prominent spot. Because it was stitched by hand, the curve was a lot more angular than you might get from sewing with a machine but it's perfect just the way it is.

One year, when I was maybe 9 or 10, I had my younger sister Lisa for our family gift exchange. For her gift, I made her an ornament. I took an empty thread spool (less than 1" tall) made of styrofoam and painted it blue with water color paints. I used nail polish to write her name and placed a heart sticker on it. I then used thread to create a loop by which to hang it on the tree with a hook. I don't know if I gave her anything else that year, but she has that ornament to this day. :)

Several years ago, my younger sister made a gift for all of us. Our dad had a little sing-song rhyme that he made up using all of our names. My sister took some scanned photos of us as kids, made a collage in black/white on the computer, and superimposed the rhyme on it. She then printed on 8x10 photo paper and framed them. I knew we were getting them, I helped her a little with the execution of the project but the idea itself was all hers. I love it. It is on my entertainment center with all my other meaningful photographs to this day.

I do still make and receive handmade gifts on occasion, but none that probably quite bring the smile as those childhood gifts. What memories do you have?

French Fries

I can no longer remember how I first found the blog 1000 Awesome Things, even though it was just a few weeks ago. I probably saw it as a link on the blog roll for some other website. It's a great blog, the unabashed positive nature of it is so refreshing, unlike some of the snarky blogs I've also been reading lately. Last night, I was looking at the Top 1000 list, which basically is a quick check of all the different items posted to date.

And I found this one.

Oh the memories! Not so much about the exact content of this post. But of the goofy fry games we played as kids on the rare occasions when we got to eat at McDonalds. There were two:

Biggest Fry Contest- I suppose this is pretty self explanatory. Whoever had the longest French fry won. It was a badge of honor, and the losers were supremely jealous of the winner. Or at least, so we thought if we were so fortunate as to be the winner. ;) I remember my older sibs teaching us this one.

Matches- I think maybe Becky and I just played this one, though we probably also taught it to Lisa and Bethany. We'd dip the tip of the French fry into ketchup to make it look like a matchstick. Then we'd touch the other person's tray with the fry and say "fffsssss" as if we were setting their tray on fire.

One time, when we were in college, I picked up Becky at her school and drove us home for Easter weekend. We stopped at a Wendy's just north of Columbus to have dinner. I had a sudden memory of that matches game and did it to her tray. She stared at me for a moment, puzzled, then busted up laughing as she caught up to where my memory had taken me. It was a great moment, and clearly one that has stuck with me for 15 years. And the memory still makes me smile.

Bonus smile: my friend Martin called these "freedom fries" back when we were in grad school together. He always ate them first.

Communication (verbal and otherwise)

Lately I have noticed that my non-verbal communication habits are not ideal and are actually worse than they used to be. I have a difficult time making eye contact, and even in conversation with someone, I start to look away before I finish saying what I'm saying. I'm also often tense in certain social situations. I don't know what others' impressions of me are, but it's quite possible that I come off as either boring or snobbish.

As you might imagine, this can be quite a road block when you actually do want to meet people, whether for friendship or dating. Heck, the last time I went out on a date, I was so anxious, I had to use a guided meditation CD to help relax before he arrived to pick me up. Better than a shot of tequila, I guess. ;-) (I'm glad I did, I had a good time that night even though things really went nowhere after that.)

So today, I ran some errands in the morning, and I made a point of making that eye contact with people and smiling, etc. I did it in the long line at the post-office, at the store where I bought some holiday cards, and when I stopped to pay my bill for my storage unit.

Now, I happen to think that the one guy who works there is attractive, and we've chatted about running or other random stuff other times I've come in to make a payment. I have the hardest time making eye contact with guys I think are attractive. I am not and never will be an all-out outrageous flirt, but I figured this was a good chance for some practice at the basics since I already knew he was friendly and we've chatted before. I guess it worked, because during today's friendly conversation about holiday decorations (I was musing about whether to grab mine out of the storage locker or not) and Christmas trees and the Zoo lights, he happened to drop the fact that he has a 3 month old. LOL! At least that answered a question I'd had, since I've never seen him wearing a wedding ring but was too chicken to ask.

Edited to add: I saw this documentary on body language tonight on History International, several hours after writing this post. Heh.

Strength

My friend found this engraved rock at a fair trade store and bought one for me, another friend, and herself, to "serve as a reminder to each of us that we are strong women capable of accomplishing anything to which we set our minds and resolve." It was a surprise gift delivered by another friend, because she was unable to give it in person.

There are many times when I do not feel particularly strong, especially in the way that she meant when she wrote the above. It was a very timely gift, far more than she knew, because I have been going through one of those "not strong" times lately but had not said so to anyone.

So far, it has sat on my coffee table so I see it daily. For now, the visual cue helps some. Perhaps someday the message will really sink in and I will believe it to the core of my being.

more scenes from campus

I haven't forgotten my blog, just have not been inspired to write much recently. Today, however, I was walking during my lunch hour. I went across High Street (the eastern boundary of campus) to get some cash from the ATM and then came back across the street to get coffee at a little cafe inside the Wexner Center.

It was a sunny, if cool, day and on my way between the two spots, I walked here. I couldn't pass up the photo op since I actually had my cell phone with me.




After getting my coffee, I was walking back toward my office when I noticed a new piece of art outside the building. You can't quite tell in this photo, but the cow is a cut-out. Had I stood in a different spot, you could have seen the little tree through the cow. Notice that I accidentally inverted the image that my camera took (see the letters on the building). Ooops. I don't have the software to fix it, so inverted it shall remain.









I then stopped to take photos of Groundswell, by Maya Lin. Most people know her as the artist who designed the Vietnam Veterans Memorial, aka "the Wall", in Washington DC. I was a student at OSU when she created Groundswell. I remember that it was vandalized several times in the early years. Now, leaves and a bit of dirt mix in with the glass. Some of the seating in the cafe looks out onto the lowest of the 3 levels of Groundswell. About a month ago, I saw some small plants growing out of the glass. It made me smile to see something alive in really what must be a harsh environment for a plant.









This final photo shows one of the other architectural pieces of the Wexner Center. It calls to mind the old Armory on OSU's campus, which had a decidedly castle-like look. It stood on the spot where the Wexner Center now stands, and burned down decades ago. The tower stands in contrast to the scaffolding look on the other side of the building.

yes, I'm cheating

I am not really going to write much tonight. I just wanted to point you to a post by Chris over at Formerly Fun, a blog I follow.

My thighs take top billing on a least-favorite-body-part list that sometimes feels like it is a mile long. So a post that celebrates women's thighs (and their imperfections) caught my notice. That poem she posted also captures some of the mixed emotions I have when trying to reconcile my own body dissatisfaction and my feminist beliefs.

Regarding the final photo on that post? Yeah, most days at least, I think I'd rather have mine than those. (But is it too much to ask to have thighs that look at least a little more like the example in the fishnets? Wow!)

It's too bad I'm going out of town this weekend...

I would absolutely go see this show.

Back when I was in college, I knew a man who self-identified as bisexual with a preference toward men. He worked as a music teacher in a local suburban school district. He had a beautiful voice but felt that he could not join the Columbus Gay Men's Chorus for fear of losing his job. His fear was not unreasonable, sadly. I often wonder if he ever felt comfortable enough to join CGMC, but I lost track of him over a dozen years ago so will never know the answer to that.

I'm hoping that the reason I haven't heard any public controversy about this production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat is because nobody thinks it's a big deal that gay men are sharing a stage with a children's choir. I'm hoping that it means that people are starting to understand that just because you are gay does not mean you are a pedophile. Or trying to recruit impressionable youth. I also hope that it means that any gay youth in that children's choir learn that they are not alone. And that straight allies exist.

I hope that the reason I haven't heard anything isn't because I've just been in some sort of hole or something.

Daylight Savings Time

OK, for the most part, the time change blows. I'm having trouble adjusting to going to bed early and thus have trouble waking up in the morning, especially because it is back to being dark until nearly 8 a.m. Thank goodness for coffee!

But, on the bright side, I saw a beautiful sunrise this morning as I drove to work. I wish I could have snapped a photo but that would probably have been dangerous while driving at 65mph.

For those who were wondering, I actually survived February quite well this year. I just have not been inspired by anything in particular as far as blogging goes.

Feb 14

(xkcd is my favorite comic now. I like nerd humor, even when I don't always get it. Here are a couple of my other favorites that relate to today.)

Feb 7

And February continues to be kind to me so far...

aaahhhh!

For the 1st time since before Christmas, I got out for a run with my Saturday morning running group. I managed 5 miles, last Sunday I got in about 4.5. Those two runs alone have nearly matched my mileage for the entire month of January. Neither were easy runs, but I took it slow and at least made the distance. It felt so good, and I'm glad to know that I won't have to start completely over as I start preparing for my next race.

Running is a unique experience in my life. In some ways, it is a solitary activity. I run most of my training runs solo, and even when I join the group, I do not often have a running partner. Most of the regulars run far faster than I do. I like the solo aspect most of the time, though. Running is my "noodling" time, when I think things through in my head. I have composed the basics of some of my more thoughtful posts in the past while running.

Running is also a social activity for me. In fact it was a friend who inspired me to start running in the 1st place, and the two of us often include a run when we spend time together. My Saturday group gathers for coffee and chit-chat after the runs. It is a connection with people on weekends, when I am often my only company otherwise. I have made many friends online through a running message board, and we now often travel to the same races and turn it into a social weekend.

(It's funny. For as important an activity as running is for me -- recent lapse in miles notwithstanding -- I haven't actually written about it too much on my blog. I do love it though, even when I hate it. )

One final thought about running. I am not particularly coordinated and never considered myself an athlete. My brother, who lettered in cross-country and track in high school, was the family athlete. I remember the day that I sent my family an email detailing my experience in my 2nd half-marathon (13.1 mile race for those unfamiliar with it), and he sent back a response that said he was impressed, and that he himself never ran a distance longer than 6 miles. That comment helped cement the idea in my mind that I really am a runner and athlete after all. :)

so far, so good...

I posted last year that February and I do not get along. This has been true for most Februaries since at least 9th grade. Still, every year, I live in hope that this year will be better. (For the record, despite my optimism in that post last year, at least 2 weeks of February 2008 were horrible.)

Today was a nice day. The weather was gorgeous, I got out for my longest run since before Christmas, and I chatted with my best friends via IM on and off during the day. (Hooray for speedy internets!) I am not giving up on my optimism and hope that this February could be different. It has happened before, it could happen again. It's nice to have such a promising start.

Dress update: the $30 dress arrived a few days ago. The tag says 100% cotton, despite the online description (and paperwork) saying 100% silk. I can't reconcile the inner liner being cotton though, it just doesn't feel like it. Whatever. For $30, cotton is OK anyway. It fits just a tad snug across the hips but only on the inner liner, it isn't really noticeable from the outside. It is also a bit large in the shoulders and bust. Since I am up a few lbs currently and working them back off, the hips issue isn't a big deal and the shoulders/bust could be altered. It looks nice enough. BUT. I don't love the dress. It is OK and would have served well if I had an immediately pending event. Since I do not, I will return it.

Alas!

The dress is $168. Boo hiss. However, I tried finding it online. I did not find that exact dress (yet!) but a very similar one by the same designer can be found on some discount sites for under $100. I saw that one in the store too and may go back and try it on to see if it is just as flattering since only the top is really any different. I could then decide if I want to spend $90 on a dress when I have nowhere to wear one that fancy.

I have to say, not only do I like several dresses in the Adrianna Papell line now that I've looked online, but I am very happy to see that she does plus sizes as well. The same exact dress I linked above can be found in plus sizes up to a 24.

I also found another LBD online on clearance that looks cute and will only cost $30. That one I may order tomorrow when I can order from work. I can risk $30 on an untried dress.

playing dress-up

I am not much of a girly-girl. I don't wear makeup often, I prefer jeans to skirts, and my interests tend to fall into the realm of football and beer more than shopping and fru-fru cocktails. I don't really run in the kinds of circles that have events requiring formal or semi-formal dress, so I don't even own an LBD (little black dress).

That being said, I don't mind dressing up if there is occassion for it. Sometimes I like to try on fancy dresses just to see how I look, even though I have no intention to buy any. In part, it's simply because I can. At Macy's today, there were literally scores of dresses that I could have tried on, in a whole palette of colors and styles.

Frankly, I am still getting used to having so much choice. A lot of dressy clothing designed for bigger women still tends to be geared toward middle aged socialites. Needless to say, selection is very limited, particularly if you don't want to look like a middle aged socialite. I was reminded of this today as I was finishing up in the changing room. I overheard a mom and aunt reassuring a daughter that her dress looked nice, was not too wedding-y, and looked good for a dance and didn't age her. It sounded like they were trying to convince her to go with what she was wearing, and she was not quite sold on the idea. When I stepped out of the dressing room, I saw a very pretty, young blonde who probably wore about a size 24, wearing a long black formal dress and looking doubtfully at her reflection. She did look nice, but I didn't say anything because I didn't want to embarrass her.

But oh, I understood.

I had just finished trying on 4 dresses. My favorite one was the 1st I'd put on, and was the one that made me decide to go through the hassle of trying on clothes in the first place when I saw it on the mannekin. When I put it on, I liked how it looked. Except... The dress was a bit form fitting around the legs and stopped at the knee, and so I thought it drew too much attention to my legs. I don't like how my legs look, they are thick and no amount of running will ever make them slender and shapely. So I tend to hide them under longer skirts. I wasn't as happy with the other dresses but knew which one I'd have purchased if I'd actually been in the market for a dress and it wasn't that 1st one.

I took photos of myself in the 4 dresses, to bring home and see with a more objective eye than simply the mirror. I'm glad I did. Here are the photos. I wish the quality were better, but it's hard when using a cell phone camera with fitting room lighting.

Dress #1- It's hard to tell, but the fabric is kind of layered. At the knee in front, the hem is not straight, but comes up in a slight peak. I really like the rounded neckline compared the v-neck of the other dresses:




Dress #2- This one was a bit plain and was my least favorite:




Dress #3- this had some nice beaded detail on the bodice. It wasn't too bad (although this picture is) but it drops a little too low under the arms and shows some of the flabby skin leftover after losing weight. I'm holding my arms down to hide it. That nixed this dress right there:




Dress #4- Similar in style to #2, but a bit more interesting with the lace at the top instead of plain fabric. This is the one I'd have purchased had I needed to buy one right then:





Now that I have viewed these at home, though, I can see that in dress #1, my legs don't look as bad as I thought. I know I felt the best in that dress otherwise. It has a little more pizazz, and overall I thought even when I was trying them on, that it flattered my shape the best. So I think I would go with #1 if I needed a fancy dress right now. I'd simply get a snazzy pair of shoes, metaphorically stick out my tongue at my legs and go have a great time.

you all do know

that the reason the same topic keeps cropping up over and over in my blog is because everything else in my life is pretty damn good, right? Right? I am very grateful that I have good friends, a good family, and a good job because not everyone can say the same.

revelation

I am currently a subject in a fairly involved research study that is going to compare stress intervention programs. (Supposedly anyway... anyone involved in research knows that the subject is never told the whole story until the end.) As a lead up to the program itself, for the past week, I've had to answer several questionnaires online every day in the evening. They ask about food/exercise habits, my thoughts/feelings for the day, positive/negative events with family, friends, and coworkers, etc.

Two of the questions I have had to answer daily deal with whether I'd experienced any positive thoughts about past relationships and whether I'd experienced any negative thoughts about past relationships.

Today, I realized that whenever I think about my romantic history, the thoughts are always negative. They are either negative about the guy, the situation, or how I feel about myself as a result of what happened (or didn't happen). This is true even when I can identify very positive interactions during the course of the relationship itself, and even in those cases where I still maintain a friendly relationship with the man in question.

Well fuck. No wonder I'm so ambivalent about the whole relationship thing.

Cultural messages versus psychological baggage.... it's enough to drive a girl crazy.

progressions

Earlier this afternoon, I was browsing through my local Barnes & Noble bookstore. In this particular location, there is a central aisle (with an info counter halfway up) where they have tables with books centering on certain themes.

Closest to the door of the store were the diet how-to books, not a big surprise given that we are just past the New Year, and then the next couple tables were sales, new releases etc. After the information desk, the next couple tables caught my eye. First was a table with memoirs written by women who had successfully lost weight and (at the time of the writing of the book anyway) kept it off. Next was the table with the wedding planners and other wedding themed books. Then was the table with the baby and pregnancy books.

It struck me how the weight loss -> relationship/marriage -> baby progression related to some of my expectations 5 years ago. When I started losing weight, it truly was my intent to focus on my health. I did not want to fall into the trap of believing that losing weight would automatically lead to finding a good man (not perfect... I don't believe in perfect) and settling down. Then and now, I believed that attitude counted more than looks when it came to being attractive to men. Heck, a positive, cheerful person automatically becomes more attractive whereas a negative, sad-sack automatically becomes less attractive. Still, I'd be lying if I said that didn't harbor some hopes that as I lost weight, I'd make some progress in my romantic life, which at that point had been essentially stalled out for 10 years or so.

Well, unlike the tables at the bookstore, progressions like that in real life are not so linear and straightforward. I found that for me, it was easier to lose the physical weight than it was to lose the psychological weight. I have made some progress in the dating area in the past 5 years, but not as much as I thought I might. Sometimes I feel like I take 2 steps forward then 1 step back. Or sideways. Or diagonal. Or spinning in circles.

On good days, I feel really positive about getting into the dating game, but as often as not, I'm pretty gun shy. This ambivalence is a bit of a road block, but maybe in the long run it's not so bad. I would not want to jump into a bad relationship thinking it's better than nothing at all. I just hope that it doesn't keep me from trying out a relationship that could be very good.

anxieties and hangups

We all have them. Some make sense to everyone. Some don't make sense even to the person who has them, much less to anyone else.

My annoying quirky anxiety is about making telephone calls. Now, my dad would probably be flabbergasted to learn this. I was well known for calling friends and tying up the phone line for hours back in my teenage days. I also had a number of long-distance friends, so every month he would chase me down to pay for my LD charges on the phone bill out of my babysitting money.

It started small enough. When I was young, I used to hate calling for pizza or to schedule a hair appointment. Then, when I worked in social work, I hated making calls to my clients. I was so stressed out in those jobs, that I dreaded calling because I was afraid I'd hear about some major problem or other that I would then have to try to solve. I used to carry a pager for my 1st social work job and would have to respond to crisis calls. For 2 years after leaving that job, I would experience a strong startle response if I heard someone else's pager beep. Thank goodness that was about the same time that everyone started switching to cell phones and pagers fell out of favor. In my current job, I encourage my students to email me if they want to reach me, which most are happy to do.

A few years ago, this anxiety about making calls started impacting my phone calls to friends. I'm not quite sure why. Whatever the reason, I worry that I'm bothering people when I call just to chat, and that they are tolerating me, not actually enjoying the conversation. I know it's stupid, but once I have decided to call someone, it can take me a little time to convince myself that my friends will be happy to receive my call, not annoyed.

The good thing is that I still enjoy receiving calls from my friends and experience no anxiety about that at all, nor do I usually get worked up about returning a call when someone has left me a message. Still, I hate putting it on them all the time. I'm grateful to email and instant messaging as alternate ways of maintaining contact with friends while I work on overcoming this stupid hangup.

Psychologists use a technique called systematic desensitization to help people overcome phobias. While this is not even close to that level, the principle would still apply well in this case. The more phone calls I make, the easier it will become again. It worked for me with public speaking, I know it would work with this. I don't want to put numbers on this goal, but I did call a friend tonight to wish him a happy birthday. It's a start.

366 days later

I started this blog on Jan 1, 2008. Since that time, I have written 127 posts according to my behind the scenes stats. That does not include several that I began and then later deleted the unposted drafts for a variety of reasons. I spent some time the other night reading through all those posts, starting with the most recent and working my way backward for ease of navigation.

It was interesting to review my blog so far in total. I had short goofy posts, I had long introspective ones. While I really like many of them, my personal favorite posts were the Great Spider Conspiracy, Adios Barbie, the Fat Girl Filter, and Being Remembered. The comments I have received from my friends and family have also been very valuable to me, particularly in those posts when I am exploring what my actual thoughts and feelings are with respect to the topic at hand.

In recent months, my posting has dropped off a bit, mostly because my job has been demanding enough to leave me ready to not think too hard in the evenings. However, some of the reduced posting frequency is due to self-censorship. For all that I write about my personal thoughts, feelings, and values here, I still am a fairly private person. One of my friends says that I play my hand close to my chest and that it is difficult to know what I am thinking.

I think that is a fair assessment. It's a survival skill that gets in the way sometimes. I know I do not react in certain situations the way that others might expect me to. That's not always a bad thing, who wants to be like everyone else, right? But I think it also limits me. I'll leave more detailed thoughts on that for a future post though.

Overall, 2008 was a better year than I've had in awhile, though I certainly had my down moments. It ended on a good note, though, and I'm really looking forward to good things for 2009. Whether they happen or not, I'm sure I'll be writing about them here. :-)