The dress is $168. Boo hiss. However, I tried finding it online. I did not find that exact dress (yet!) but a very similar one by the same designer can be found on some discount sites for under $100. I saw that one in the store too and may go back and try it on to see if it is just as flattering since only the top is really any different. I could then decide if I want to spend $90 on a dress when I have nowhere to wear one that fancy.
I have to say, not only do I like several dresses in the Adrianna Papell line now that I've looked online, but I am very happy to see that she does plus sizes as well. The same exact dress I linked above can be found in plus sizes up to a 24.
I also found another LBD online on clearance that looks cute and will only cost $30. That one I may order tomorrow when I can order from work. I can risk $30 on an untried dress.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
playing dress-up
I am not much of a girly-girl. I don't wear makeup often, I prefer jeans to skirts, and my interests tend to fall into the realm of football and beer more than shopping and fru-fru cocktails. I don't really run in the kinds of circles that have events requiring formal or semi-formal dress, so I don't even own an LBD (little black dress).
That being said, I don't mind dressing up if there is occassion for it. Sometimes I like to try on fancy dresses just to see how I look, even though I have no intention to buy any. In part, it's simply because I can. At Macy's today, there were literally scores of dresses that I could have tried on, in a whole palette of colors and styles.
Frankly, I am still getting used to having so much choice. A lot of dressy clothing designed for bigger women still tends to be geared toward middle aged socialites. Needless to say, selection is very limited, particularly if you don't want to look like a middle aged socialite. I was reminded of this today as I was finishing up in the changing room. I overheard a mom and aunt reassuring a daughter that her dress looked nice, was not too wedding-y, and looked good for a dance and didn't age her. It sounded like they were trying to convince her to go with what she was wearing, and she was not quite sold on the idea. When I stepped out of the dressing room, I saw a very pretty, young blonde who probably wore about a size 24, wearing a long black formal dress and looking doubtfully at her reflection. She did look nice, but I didn't say anything because I didn't want to embarrass her.
But oh, I understood.
I had just finished trying on 4 dresses. My favorite one was the 1st I'd put on, and was the one that made me decide to go through the hassle of trying on clothes in the first place when I saw it on the mannekin. When I put it on, I liked how it looked. Except... The dress was a bit form fitting around the legs and stopped at the knee, and so I thought it drew too much attention to my legs. I don't like how my legs look, they are thick and no amount of running will ever make them slender and shapely. So I tend to hide them under longer skirts. I wasn't as happy with the other dresses but knew which one I'd have purchased if I'd actually been in the market for a dress and it wasn't that 1st one.
I took photos of myself in the 4 dresses, to bring home and see with a more objective eye than simply the mirror. I'm glad I did. Here are the photos. I wish the quality were better, but it's hard when using a cell phone camera with fitting room lighting.
Dress #1- It's hard to tell, but the fabric is kind of layered. At the knee in front, the hem is not straight, but comes up in a slight peak. I really like the rounded neckline compared the v-neck of the other dresses:
Dress #2- This one was a bit plain and was my least favorite:
Dress #3- this had some nice beaded detail on the bodice. It wasn't too bad (although this picture is) but it drops a little too low under the arms and shows some of the flabby skin leftover after losing weight. I'm holding my arms down to hide it. That nixed this dress right there:
Dress #4- Similar in style to #2, but a bit more interesting with the lace at the top instead of plain fabric. This is the one I'd have purchased had I needed to buy one right then:
Now that I have viewed these at home, though, I can see that in dress #1, my legs don't look as bad as I thought. I know I felt the best in that dress otherwise. It has a little more pizazz, and overall I thought even when I was trying them on, that it flattered my shape the best. So I think I would go with #1 if I needed a fancy dress right now. I'd simply get a snazzy pair of shoes, metaphorically stick out my tongue at my legs and go have a great time.
That being said, I don't mind dressing up if there is occassion for it. Sometimes I like to try on fancy dresses just to see how I look, even though I have no intention to buy any. In part, it's simply because I can. At Macy's today, there were literally scores of dresses that I could have tried on, in a whole palette of colors and styles.
Frankly, I am still getting used to having so much choice. A lot of dressy clothing designed for bigger women still tends to be geared toward middle aged socialites. Needless to say, selection is very limited, particularly if you don't want to look like a middle aged socialite. I was reminded of this today as I was finishing up in the changing room. I overheard a mom and aunt reassuring a daughter that her dress looked nice, was not too wedding-y, and looked good for a dance and didn't age her. It sounded like they were trying to convince her to go with what she was wearing, and she was not quite sold on the idea. When I stepped out of the dressing room, I saw a very pretty, young blonde who probably wore about a size 24, wearing a long black formal dress and looking doubtfully at her reflection. She did look nice, but I didn't say anything because I didn't want to embarrass her.
But oh, I understood.
I had just finished trying on 4 dresses. My favorite one was the 1st I'd put on, and was the one that made me decide to go through the hassle of trying on clothes in the first place when I saw it on the mannekin. When I put it on, I liked how it looked. Except... The dress was a bit form fitting around the legs and stopped at the knee, and so I thought it drew too much attention to my legs. I don't like how my legs look, they are thick and no amount of running will ever make them slender and shapely. So I tend to hide them under longer skirts. I wasn't as happy with the other dresses but knew which one I'd have purchased if I'd actually been in the market for a dress and it wasn't that 1st one.
I took photos of myself in the 4 dresses, to bring home and see with a more objective eye than simply the mirror. I'm glad I did. Here are the photos. I wish the quality were better, but it's hard when using a cell phone camera with fitting room lighting.
Dress #1- It's hard to tell, but the fabric is kind of layered. At the knee in front, the hem is not straight, but comes up in a slight peak. I really like the rounded neckline compared the v-neck of the other dresses:
Dress #2- This one was a bit plain and was my least favorite:
Dress #3- this had some nice beaded detail on the bodice. It wasn't too bad (although this picture is) but it drops a little too low under the arms and shows some of the flabby skin leftover after losing weight. I'm holding my arms down to hide it. That nixed this dress right there:
Dress #4- Similar in style to #2, but a bit more interesting with the lace at the top instead of plain fabric. This is the one I'd have purchased had I needed to buy one right then:
Now that I have viewed these at home, though, I can see that in dress #1, my legs don't look as bad as I thought. I know I felt the best in that dress otherwise. It has a little more pizazz, and overall I thought even when I was trying them on, that it flattered my shape the best. So I think I would go with #1 if I needed a fancy dress right now. I'd simply get a snazzy pair of shoes, metaphorically stick out my tongue at my legs and go have a great time.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
you all do know
that the reason the same topic keeps cropping up over and over in my blog is because everything else in my life is pretty damn good, right? Right? I am very grateful that I have good friends, a good family, and a good job because not everyone can say the same.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
revelation
I am currently a subject in a fairly involved research study that is going to compare stress intervention programs. (Supposedly anyway... anyone involved in research knows that the subject is never told the whole story until the end.) As a lead up to the program itself, for the past week, I've had to answer several questionnaires online every day in the evening. They ask about food/exercise habits, my thoughts/feelings for the day, positive/negative events with family, friends, and coworkers, etc.
Two of the questions I have had to answer daily deal with whether I'd experienced any positive thoughts about past relationships and whether I'd experienced any negative thoughts about past relationships.
Today, I realized that whenever I think about my romantic history, the thoughts are always negative. They are either negative about the guy, the situation, or how I feel about myself as a result of what happened (or didn't happen). This is true even when I can identify very positive interactions during the course of the relationship itself, and even in those cases where I still maintain a friendly relationship with the man in question.
Well fuck. No wonder I'm so ambivalent about the whole relationship thing.
Cultural messages versus psychological baggage.... it's enough to drive a girl crazy.
Two of the questions I have had to answer daily deal with whether I'd experienced any positive thoughts about past relationships and whether I'd experienced any negative thoughts about past relationships.
Today, I realized that whenever I think about my romantic history, the thoughts are always negative. They are either negative about the guy, the situation, or how I feel about myself as a result of what happened (or didn't happen). This is true even when I can identify very positive interactions during the course of the relationship itself, and even in those cases where I still maintain a friendly relationship with the man in question.
Well fuck. No wonder I'm so ambivalent about the whole relationship thing.
Cultural messages versus psychological baggage.... it's enough to drive a girl crazy.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
progressions
Earlier this afternoon, I was browsing through my local Barnes & Noble bookstore. In this particular location, there is a central aisle (with an info counter halfway up) where they have tables with books centering on certain themes.
Closest to the door of the store were the diet how-to books, not a big surprise given that we are just past the New Year, and then the next couple tables were sales, new releases etc. After the information desk, the next couple tables caught my eye. First was a table with memoirs written by women who had successfully lost weight and (at the time of the writing of the book anyway) kept it off. Next was the table with the wedding planners and other wedding themed books. Then was the table with the baby and pregnancy books.
It struck me how the weight loss -> relationship/marriage -> baby progression related to some of my expectations 5 years ago. When I started losing weight, it truly was my intent to focus on my health. I did not want to fall into the trap of believing that losing weight would automatically lead to finding a good man (not perfect... I don't believe in perfect) and settling down. Then and now, I believed that attitude counted more than looks when it came to being attractive to men. Heck, a positive, cheerful person automatically becomes more attractive whereas a negative, sad-sack automatically becomes less attractive. Still, I'd be lying if I said that didn't harbor some hopes that as I lost weight, I'd make some progress in my romantic life, which at that point had been essentially stalled out for 10 years or so.
Well, unlike the tables at the bookstore, progressions like that in real life are not so linear and straightforward. I found that for me, it was easier to lose the physical weight than it was to lose the psychological weight. I have made some progress in the dating area in the past 5 years, but not as much as I thought I might. Sometimes I feel like I take 2 steps forward then 1 step back. Or sideways. Or diagonal. Or spinning in circles.
On good days, I feel really positive about getting into the dating game, but as often as not, I'm pretty gun shy. This ambivalence is a bit of a road block, but maybe in the long run it's not so bad. I would not want to jump into a bad relationship thinking it's better than nothing at all. I just hope that it doesn't keep me from trying out a relationship that could be very good.
Closest to the door of the store were the diet how-to books, not a big surprise given that we are just past the New Year, and then the next couple tables were sales, new releases etc. After the information desk, the next couple tables caught my eye. First was a table with memoirs written by women who had successfully lost weight and (at the time of the writing of the book anyway) kept it off. Next was the table with the wedding planners and other wedding themed books. Then was the table with the baby and pregnancy books.
It struck me how the weight loss -> relationship/marriage -> baby progression related to some of my expectations 5 years ago. When I started losing weight, it truly was my intent to focus on my health. I did not want to fall into the trap of believing that losing weight would automatically lead to finding a good man (not perfect... I don't believe in perfect) and settling down. Then and now, I believed that attitude counted more than looks when it came to being attractive to men. Heck, a positive, cheerful person automatically becomes more attractive whereas a negative, sad-sack automatically becomes less attractive. Still, I'd be lying if I said that didn't harbor some hopes that as I lost weight, I'd make some progress in my romantic life, which at that point had been essentially stalled out for 10 years or so.
Well, unlike the tables at the bookstore, progressions like that in real life are not so linear and straightforward. I found that for me, it was easier to lose the physical weight than it was to lose the psychological weight. I have made some progress in the dating area in the past 5 years, but not as much as I thought I might. Sometimes I feel like I take 2 steps forward then 1 step back. Or sideways. Or diagonal. Or spinning in circles.
On good days, I feel really positive about getting into the dating game, but as often as not, I'm pretty gun shy. This ambivalence is a bit of a road block, but maybe in the long run it's not so bad. I would not want to jump into a bad relationship thinking it's better than nothing at all. I just hope that it doesn't keep me from trying out a relationship that could be very good.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
anxieties and hangups
We all have them. Some make sense to everyone. Some don't make sense even to the person who has them, much less to anyone else.
My annoying quirky anxiety is about making telephone calls. Now, my dad would probably be flabbergasted to learn this. I was well known for calling friends and tying up the phone line for hours back in my teenage days. I also had a number of long-distance friends, so every month he would chase me down to pay for my LD charges on the phone bill out of my babysitting money.
It started small enough. When I was young, I used to hate calling for pizza or to schedule a hair appointment. Then, when I worked in social work, I hated making calls to my clients. I was so stressed out in those jobs, that I dreaded calling because I was afraid I'd hear about some major problem or other that I would then have to try to solve. I used to carry a pager for my 1st social work job and would have to respond to crisis calls. For 2 years after leaving that job, I would experience a strong startle response if I heard someone else's pager beep. Thank goodness that was about the same time that everyone started switching to cell phones and pagers fell out of favor. In my current job, I encourage my students to email me if they want to reach me, which most are happy to do.
A few years ago, this anxiety about making calls started impacting my phone calls to friends. I'm not quite sure why. Whatever the reason, I worry that I'm bothering people when I call just to chat, and that they are tolerating me, not actually enjoying the conversation. I know it's stupid, but once I have decided to call someone, it can take me a little time to convince myself that my friends will be happy to receive my call, not annoyed.
The good thing is that I still enjoy receiving calls from my friends and experience no anxiety about that at all, nor do I usually get worked up about returning a call when someone has left me a message. Still, I hate putting it on them all the time. I'm grateful to email and instant messaging as alternate ways of maintaining contact with friends while I work on overcoming this stupid hangup.
Psychologists use a technique called systematic desensitization to help people overcome phobias. While this is not even close to that level, the principle would still apply well in this case. The more phone calls I make, the easier it will become again. It worked for me with public speaking, I know it would work with this. I don't want to put numbers on this goal, but I did call a friend tonight to wish him a happy birthday. It's a start.
My annoying quirky anxiety is about making telephone calls. Now, my dad would probably be flabbergasted to learn this. I was well known for calling friends and tying up the phone line for hours back in my teenage days. I also had a number of long-distance friends, so every month he would chase me down to pay for my LD charges on the phone bill out of my babysitting money.
It started small enough. When I was young, I used to hate calling for pizza or to schedule a hair appointment. Then, when I worked in social work, I hated making calls to my clients. I was so stressed out in those jobs, that I dreaded calling because I was afraid I'd hear about some major problem or other that I would then have to try to solve. I used to carry a pager for my 1st social work job and would have to respond to crisis calls. For 2 years after leaving that job, I would experience a strong startle response if I heard someone else's pager beep. Thank goodness that was about the same time that everyone started switching to cell phones and pagers fell out of favor. In my current job, I encourage my students to email me if they want to reach me, which most are happy to do.
A few years ago, this anxiety about making calls started impacting my phone calls to friends. I'm not quite sure why. Whatever the reason, I worry that I'm bothering people when I call just to chat, and that they are tolerating me, not actually enjoying the conversation. I know it's stupid, but once I have decided to call someone, it can take me a little time to convince myself that my friends will be happy to receive my call, not annoyed.
The good thing is that I still enjoy receiving calls from my friends and experience no anxiety about that at all, nor do I usually get worked up about returning a call when someone has left me a message. Still, I hate putting it on them all the time. I'm grateful to email and instant messaging as alternate ways of maintaining contact with friends while I work on overcoming this stupid hangup.
Psychologists use a technique called systematic desensitization to help people overcome phobias. While this is not even close to that level, the principle would still apply well in this case. The more phone calls I make, the easier it will become again. It worked for me with public speaking, I know it would work with this. I don't want to put numbers on this goal, but I did call a friend tonight to wish him a happy birthday. It's a start.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
366 days later
I started this blog on Jan 1, 2008. Since that time, I have written 127 posts according to my behind the scenes stats. That does not include several that I began and then later deleted the unposted drafts for a variety of reasons. I spent some time the other night reading through all those posts, starting with the most recent and working my way backward for ease of navigation.
It was interesting to review my blog so far in total. I had short goofy posts, I had long introspective ones. While I really like many of them, my personal favorite posts were the Great Spider Conspiracy, Adios Barbie, the Fat Girl Filter, and Being Remembered. The comments I have received from my friends and family have also been very valuable to me, particularly in those posts when I am exploring what my actual thoughts and feelings are with respect to the topic at hand.
In recent months, my posting has dropped off a bit, mostly because my job has been demanding enough to leave me ready to not think too hard in the evenings. However, some of the reduced posting frequency is due to self-censorship. For all that I write about my personal thoughts, feelings, and values here, I still am a fairly private person. One of my friends says that I play my hand close to my chest and that it is difficult to know what I am thinking.
I think that is a fair assessment. It's a survival skill that gets in the way sometimes. I know I do not react in certain situations the way that others might expect me to. That's not always a bad thing, who wants to be like everyone else, right? But I think it also limits me. I'll leave more detailed thoughts on that for a future post though.
Overall, 2008 was a better year than I've had in awhile, though I certainly had my down moments. It ended on a good note, though, and I'm really looking forward to good things for 2009. Whether they happen or not, I'm sure I'll be writing about them here. :-)
It was interesting to review my blog so far in total. I had short goofy posts, I had long introspective ones. While I really like many of them, my personal favorite posts were the Great Spider Conspiracy, Adios Barbie, the Fat Girl Filter, and Being Remembered. The comments I have received from my friends and family have also been very valuable to me, particularly in those posts when I am exploring what my actual thoughts and feelings are with respect to the topic at hand.
In recent months, my posting has dropped off a bit, mostly because my job has been demanding enough to leave me ready to not think too hard in the evenings. However, some of the reduced posting frequency is due to self-censorship. For all that I write about my personal thoughts, feelings, and values here, I still am a fairly private person. One of my friends says that I play my hand close to my chest and that it is difficult to know what I am thinking.
I think that is a fair assessment. It's a survival skill that gets in the way sometimes. I know I do not react in certain situations the way that others might expect me to. That's not always a bad thing, who wants to be like everyone else, right? But I think it also limits me. I'll leave more detailed thoughts on that for a future post though.
Overall, 2008 was a better year than I've had in awhile, though I certainly had my down moments. It ended on a good note, though, and I'm really looking forward to good things for 2009. Whether they happen or not, I'm sure I'll be writing about them here. :-)
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