Everyone feels like this in high school. I hate that I still feel like it in my mid-30's.
(I'm not overly fond of the song in the musical-sense, but it fits my mood today.)
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Sunday, July 20, 2008
I have a new toy
Well, for $150 (on sale), it's more than just a toy.
Garmin Forerunner 205
I am now truly a running geek. Granted, I didn't spend even more $ for the 305 or 405 models which include a heart-rate monitor, but still... I will now be wearing a freakin' GPS unit on my wrist when I run. I can use it to track where I've been or even find my way home, though it won't have that funny feminine computer voice that my grandpa's beloved car GPS unit does. I have a good sense of direction, though, so mostly I will use it to track my route and get an accurate idea of my pace and mileage.
I have road-tested it on walks around the neighborhood yesterday and today. Tomorrow a.m. will be my first time using it for a run.
Garmin Forerunner 205
I am now truly a running geek. Granted, I didn't spend even more $ for the 305 or 405 models which include a heart-rate monitor, but still... I will now be wearing a freakin' GPS unit on my wrist when I run. I can use it to track where I've been or even find my way home, though it won't have that funny feminine computer voice that my grandpa's beloved car GPS unit does. I have a good sense of direction, though, so mostly I will use it to track my route and get an accurate idea of my pace and mileage.
I have road-tested it on walks around the neighborhood yesterday and today. Tomorrow a.m. will be my first time using it for a run.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
words have meaning
I should be working on an assignment for my class. Instead, I've been reading blogs and such. I found an article called Sleeping Around Craigslist. I had not realized that Craigslist had personals ads, so for amusement sake, I decided to check it out. I have no intention of posting an ad or responding to any, I have given up again on internet dating. But the article piqued my curiosity so I had to check it out.
I found this ad from some 27 y/o here in town.
**Blind man seeking a butterface**
Handsome blind man seeking a butterface. Why butterface? Because I'm a realist. Must have sexy voice, good skin, and pleasant smell as my other senses are extra sensitive. If mountain climbing, bike ridding or hunting is your thing, we might not be an ideal match. I enjoy live music, and I'm not a big fan of silent movies. Please reply with a pic. Thanks.
It made me wonder... if he really is blind, why the f*** does he need a photo? Hence my initial amusement.
That is when I decided to look up just what the heck butterface meant. What the hell?!
I guess I should not be surprised that such a demeaning term even exists. It's the same mindset that calls men's tank-style undershirts "wifebeaters". The first time I heard that term, it was used by the 17 y/o grandson of my then-administrative assistant. He did not get why it angered me, nor why I insisted that he not use the term around me.
With respect to butterface, it does not surprise me that there is no male equivalent. Men's bodies are not generally objectified in the same way that women's are, to the extent that the woman's mind and heart don't matter. This word basically lays that sexist attitude all out, and says directly what had previously just been strongly implied: that the only thing of value to a woman is below the neck anyway.
It always draws attention when one partner in a relationship is deemed as significantly more attractive than the other. What gets me is that no matter which way it goes, the woman loses out. If it is a homely man-beautiful woman pairing, the man receives all sorts of praise for his "accomplishment". The woman is assumed to be a gold-digger because the only reason she could want to be with him is his money, right? On the flip-side, if it is a handsome man-plain woman pairing, people assume that the woman is very generous with her sexual favors (again, lucky guy!), because otherwise how would she land such a good-looking guy.
Ugh.
I suppose I could throw out words like patriarchy and such as a way to explain how this sort of crap exists but that's not me. I may be feminist and taking women's studies classes, but I kinda skipped a few steps along the way and just don't have that vocabulary down yet (though I suppose I'd better start building it if I do decide to go back to grad school).
But please. Think about the words you use.
I found this ad from some 27 y/o here in town.
**Blind man seeking a butterface**
Handsome blind man seeking a butterface. Why butterface? Because I'm a realist. Must have sexy voice, good skin, and pleasant smell as my other senses are extra sensitive. If mountain climbing, bike ridding or hunting is your thing, we might not be an ideal match. I enjoy live music, and I'm not a big fan of silent movies. Please reply with a pic. Thanks.
It made me wonder... if he really is blind, why the f*** does he need a photo? Hence my initial amusement.
That is when I decided to look up just what the heck butterface meant. What the hell?!
I guess I should not be surprised that such a demeaning term even exists. It's the same mindset that calls men's tank-style undershirts "wifebeaters". The first time I heard that term, it was used by the 17 y/o grandson of my then-administrative assistant. He did not get why it angered me, nor why I insisted that he not use the term around me.
With respect to butterface, it does not surprise me that there is no male equivalent. Men's bodies are not generally objectified in the same way that women's are, to the extent that the woman's mind and heart don't matter. This word basically lays that sexist attitude all out, and says directly what had previously just been strongly implied: that the only thing of value to a woman is below the neck anyway.
It always draws attention when one partner in a relationship is deemed as significantly more attractive than the other. What gets me is that no matter which way it goes, the woman loses out. If it is a homely man-beautiful woman pairing, the man receives all sorts of praise for his "accomplishment". The woman is assumed to be a gold-digger because the only reason she could want to be with him is his money, right? On the flip-side, if it is a handsome man-plain woman pairing, people assume that the woman is very generous with her sexual favors (again, lucky guy!), because otherwise how would she land such a good-looking guy.
Ugh.
I suppose I could throw out words like patriarchy and such as a way to explain how this sort of crap exists but that's not me. I may be feminist and taking women's studies classes, but I kinda skipped a few steps along the way and just don't have that vocabulary down yet (though I suppose I'd better start building it if I do decide to go back to grad school).
But please. Think about the words you use.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
I hear thunder
A little thunderstorm popped up literally about 2 miles east of me. It is dry here, but I can hear the thunder.
I like thunderstorms. :-)
I like thunderstorms. :-)
Monday, July 14, 2008
quiet neighborhoods
I went out for a run earlier this evening in the subdivision just down the road from me. As I started to turn back for home, circumstances required that I walk the rest of the way or else something very embarrassing would happen. Runners will understand. :-)
Still, it was a lovely evening. The sun was setting but at 8:30 there was still plenty of light. It was not too hot or humid, but warm enough to be outside in summer clothes.
I loved nights like this as a kid. My siblings and the neighborhood kids and I would stay out as late as our parents would allow, playing games like Freeze Tag, Wolf Wolf, Ghost in the Graveyard, Hide-and-Seek, and other group games. We also made up our own, such as pretending that cars coming down our street were monsters and that we had to be absolutely still until it passed or it would find us.
Needless to say, we made a lot of noise. :-) "Curfew" was set by the streetlights. When the streetlights came on, we had to be back in our own yard, but often we were still allowed to stay outside and catch lightning bugs. We hated being sent to bed before it was totally dark. Two of my sisters now live in that neighborhood with their children, and it is much the same with them as it was with us growing up.
As I was walking through the nearby neighborhood, then, something seemed amiss. It finally dawned on me that it was too quiet. I know children live around there, I have seen some of them on walks with parents. I can see play areas in the backyards through the fences. On that whole run and walk, I saw exactly one child this evening and he was taking out the trash.
I started thinking about why that might be. Were the kids too caught up in TV and video games to want to play outside anymore? Were parents too afraid to let children out to play unsupervised, for fear of abduction? Was there some sort of anti-play/anti-noise sentiment in the subdivision (after all, this is the type of neighboorhood that has civic association meetings)?
I decided that the real answer was probably some combination of all of the above plus other things I hadn't considered. Regardless, the effect was that the neighborhood was just way too quiet for a nice summer evening.
And that made me a little sad.
Still, it was a lovely evening. The sun was setting but at 8:30 there was still plenty of light. It was not too hot or humid, but warm enough to be outside in summer clothes.
I loved nights like this as a kid. My siblings and the neighborhood kids and I would stay out as late as our parents would allow, playing games like Freeze Tag, Wolf Wolf, Ghost in the Graveyard, Hide-and-Seek, and other group games. We also made up our own, such as pretending that cars coming down our street were monsters and that we had to be absolutely still until it passed or it would find us.
Needless to say, we made a lot of noise. :-) "Curfew" was set by the streetlights. When the streetlights came on, we had to be back in our own yard, but often we were still allowed to stay outside and catch lightning bugs. We hated being sent to bed before it was totally dark. Two of my sisters now live in that neighborhood with their children, and it is much the same with them as it was with us growing up.
As I was walking through the nearby neighborhood, then, something seemed amiss. It finally dawned on me that it was too quiet. I know children live around there, I have seen some of them on walks with parents. I can see play areas in the backyards through the fences. On that whole run and walk, I saw exactly one child this evening and he was taking out the trash.
I started thinking about why that might be. Were the kids too caught up in TV and video games to want to play outside anymore? Were parents too afraid to let children out to play unsupervised, for fear of abduction? Was there some sort of anti-play/anti-noise sentiment in the subdivision (after all, this is the type of neighboorhood that has civic association meetings)?
I decided that the real answer was probably some combination of all of the above plus other things I hadn't considered. Regardless, the effect was that the neighborhood was just way too quiet for a nice summer evening.
And that made me a little sad.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
lazy weekend
I've spent the weekend just kicking back and not doing a whole lot of anything productive. I mean, I ran yesterday morning but that is the only thing that has moved me out of my apartment so far with the exception of taking the trash to the dumpster. I may take a walk later today, as the weather is simply gorgeous.
I did some work for my class that I am taking, so I have been productive. Also, I've added a few blog entries as you may have noticed. :-)
I've spent a lot of time just reading through other blogs. I read through an entire series of posts by a woman named Kristy on her blog. I like her writing style, she is a good story-teller. As a result of reading this blog, I learned about BlogHer, a site for women bloggers. I am thinking of joining, and giving my blog some wider exposure.
I also found this particular post by a different blogger. Wow. I really like his analogy, and I think I am guilty of doing the same thing. It is something for me to think about.
I love viewing people's musings about their lives. Perhaps it is a bit voyeuristic, but for as open-minded as I try to be, I know that I live in a fairly narrow world. I also know that in some respects, I have much less "life experience" than many people my age. I like to think that by reading blogs, I get a window into a world I may someday know. Sometimes it may be one that I hope to never have to experience. Either way, I think it helps me keep my eyes open to the fact that everyone's experience with life is very different, but no less valid than anyone else's experiences.
I did some work for my class that I am taking, so I have been productive. Also, I've added a few blog entries as you may have noticed. :-)
I've spent a lot of time just reading through other blogs. I read through an entire series of posts by a woman named Kristy on her blog. I like her writing style, she is a good story-teller. As a result of reading this blog, I learned about BlogHer, a site for women bloggers. I am thinking of joining, and giving my blog some wider exposure.
I also found this particular post by a different blogger. Wow. I really like his analogy, and I think I am guilty of doing the same thing. It is something for me to think about.
I love viewing people's musings about their lives. Perhaps it is a bit voyeuristic, but for as open-minded as I try to be, I know that I live in a fairly narrow world. I also know that in some respects, I have much less "life experience" than many people my age. I like to think that by reading blogs, I get a window into a world I may someday know. Sometimes it may be one that I hope to never have to experience. Either way, I think it helps me keep my eyes open to the fact that everyone's experience with life is very different, but no less valid than anyone else's experiences.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
reading
Lately, I had heard multiple references to two authors, who write about spiritual journeys and ways to live more authentically. Given the high praise I'd read regarding both, I thought I would give them each a try. I am, after all, on something of a personal journey myself to try and become a better me.
Eckhart Tolle recently published A New Earth. Last week, I had about an hour or so at a bookstore while waiting to meet with a friend. I picked up a copy of the book and sat down with it. I wanted to get a feel for his message before buying it. After about 50-60 pages, I put it back on the shelf. I personally found his style to be rather pedantic and somewhat arrogant, and it got in the way of what he was trying to say.
The other author is Pema Chodron, a Buddhist nun and spiritual teacher. I found a copy of an older book of hers, When Things Fall Apart, at Half-Price Books. As with Eckhart Tolle's book, I sat down to read a little before deciding whether to buy it. I did. I am about 1/3 of the way through it, and I will need to go back to reread it again after I finish, to really get a grasp of what she is saying. Buddhist teaching is rather different from Catholicism, after all. I really like her style. She comes across as an older friend who is sharing a delightful secret. I would like to get some more of her books.
I may blog about some of the stuff I'm reading in Pema Chodron's book in the future.
Eckhart Tolle recently published A New Earth. Last week, I had about an hour or so at a bookstore while waiting to meet with a friend. I picked up a copy of the book and sat down with it. I wanted to get a feel for his message before buying it. After about 50-60 pages, I put it back on the shelf. I personally found his style to be rather pedantic and somewhat arrogant, and it got in the way of what he was trying to say.
The other author is Pema Chodron, a Buddhist nun and spiritual teacher. I found a copy of an older book of hers, When Things Fall Apart, at Half-Price Books. As with Eckhart Tolle's book, I sat down to read a little before deciding whether to buy it. I did. I am about 1/3 of the way through it, and I will need to go back to reread it again after I finish, to really get a grasp of what she is saying. Buddhist teaching is rather different from Catholicism, after all. I really like her style. She comes across as an older friend who is sharing a delightful secret. I would like to get some more of her books.
I may blog about some of the stuff I'm reading in Pema Chodron's book in the future.
MS 150 ride
I just talked to my friend Nick a little while ago. He was on his lunch break after riding his bicycle for several hours already this morning. You see, every year for the past several years, he has joined a team of cyclists who bike 150 miles across two days to raise money for the National Multiple Sclerosis Society.
My family fortunately has not had anyone with multiple sclerosis, but I knew several people in my hometown who did. Mrs. K., my 4th grade teacher and one of my favorites, has only been able to get around via motorized cart for the past 15 years or so. Another Mrs. K., my 9th grade health and phys ed teacher, also has it. The mom of a high school classmate was diagnosed when my classmate was a baby, and was told that she would not live to see her daughter grow up. Fortunately, the doctors were wrong. Two of my college friends had fathers who were disabled by the disease. G's dad could not even travel to his wedding due to the MS.
My friend Melissa's sister also has it. Her sister is a widow with two young children. Nick rides for everyone with the disease, but particularly for her.
Multiple Sclerosis is a tricky disease. It is progressive, meaning that it gets worse over time, and there is no cure. It can go into remission, but also can eventually lead to disability and death. The National MS Society supports research and advocacy efforts to raise awareness and hopefully someday discover a cure.
Nick is on his bike working his legs as we speak. If you would like to hear more from him about last year's ride, see some photos, and learn why he does this, go here. If you wish to make a donation toward his fundraising efforts, you can do so on that page.
My family fortunately has not had anyone with multiple sclerosis, but I knew several people in my hometown who did. Mrs. K., my 4th grade teacher and one of my favorites, has only been able to get around via motorized cart for the past 15 years or so. Another Mrs. K., my 9th grade health and phys ed teacher, also has it. The mom of a high school classmate was diagnosed when my classmate was a baby, and was told that she would not live to see her daughter grow up. Fortunately, the doctors were wrong. Two of my college friends had fathers who were disabled by the disease. G's dad could not even travel to his wedding due to the MS.
My friend Melissa's sister also has it. Her sister is a widow with two young children. Nick rides for everyone with the disease, but particularly for her.
Multiple Sclerosis is a tricky disease. It is progressive, meaning that it gets worse over time, and there is no cure. It can go into remission, but also can eventually lead to disability and death. The National MS Society supports research and advocacy efforts to raise awareness and hopefully someday discover a cure.
Nick is on his bike working his legs as we speak. If you would like to hear more from him about last year's ride, see some photos, and learn why he does this, go here. If you wish to make a donation toward his fundraising efforts, you can do so on that page.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
So much for...
the $2.99 panty sale at Victoria's Secret.
I hated VS for the longest time. I once had a memorable conversation with my friend Jacob. We had just finished shopping at a mall in Austin, Texas and were on the way to his car when I spied a woman carrying a distinctive pink bag. I forget which of us actually started the conversation, but I commented that I did not like VS because they did carried such a limited range of bra sizes, despite having ads that focused on big cleavage. He tentatively said "so what is your size?" Heh. Boys. I raised my eyebrow at him and he went on to explain that an ex-girlfriend had the same complaint. I said, "OK, well they only go up to about a 38D and I'm bigger than that". He wasn't my boyfriend, he wasn't getting any more detail than that. (For that matter, dear readers, neither are you.)
I weighed approximately 250 pounds at that time, and later gained even more weight. Bras were both expensive and hard to find, particularly cute/sexy ones. Same for panties. Apparently the fashion industry thinks that all full-figured women want to wear that fugly granny underwear and industrial-strength-white-or-black-only bras. It certainly can be hard to find anything else.
Later, as I started losing weight, I swore I would never buy anything from Victoria's Secret as a matter of principle. It was sort of a solidarity thing with my other amply endowed friends and family. Gradually, though, I stopped caring so much.
Which brings me to the $2.99 panty sale.
This past weekend, I went shopping with 2 sisters and 2 friends. While I was not bra shopping, 3 of them swore by VS panties and how comfortable they are. They like how they feel sexy in them, the men in their lives like how they look in them, etc.
So I caved. I want to feel sexy and attractive to men after all. I bought 4 pairs, basing my size choice on what my one sister wears as she and I wear the same size pants, etc. I chose a variety of fabrics and styles. Yes, I even got a thong.
Uh yeah.
While these things might be OK for someone with hips like I have, they are not made for any woman who does not have a relatively flat stomach. Which I do not, nor will I ever have it without surgical intervention. Not only are they not flattering, they are not particularly comfortable. Even getting the next size up (a good idea in retrospect) would not really solve either of those problems.
So much for feeling sexy because of some cute new panties. I'll have to look for other means of finding that spark in myself. At least I did not pay full price to find out that Victoria's Secret stuff ain't all that.
And at least none of the pairs were in my favorite leopard print. My disappointment would have been total. ;-)
I hated VS for the longest time. I once had a memorable conversation with my friend Jacob. We had just finished shopping at a mall in Austin, Texas and were on the way to his car when I spied a woman carrying a distinctive pink bag. I forget which of us actually started the conversation, but I commented that I did not like VS because they did carried such a limited range of bra sizes, despite having ads that focused on big cleavage. He tentatively said "so what is your size?" Heh. Boys. I raised my eyebrow at him and he went on to explain that an ex-girlfriend had the same complaint. I said, "OK, well they only go up to about a 38D and I'm bigger than that". He wasn't my boyfriend, he wasn't getting any more detail than that. (For that matter, dear readers, neither are you.)
I weighed approximately 250 pounds at that time, and later gained even more weight. Bras were both expensive and hard to find, particularly cute/sexy ones. Same for panties. Apparently the fashion industry thinks that all full-figured women want to wear that fugly granny underwear and industrial-strength-white-or-black-only bras. It certainly can be hard to find anything else.
Later, as I started losing weight, I swore I would never buy anything from Victoria's Secret as a matter of principle. It was sort of a solidarity thing with my other amply endowed friends and family. Gradually, though, I stopped caring so much.
Which brings me to the $2.99 panty sale.
This past weekend, I went shopping with 2 sisters and 2 friends. While I was not bra shopping, 3 of them swore by VS panties and how comfortable they are. They like how they feel sexy in them, the men in their lives like how they look in them, etc.
So I caved. I want to feel sexy and attractive to men after all. I bought 4 pairs, basing my size choice on what my one sister wears as she and I wear the same size pants, etc. I chose a variety of fabrics and styles. Yes, I even got a thong.
Uh yeah.
While these things might be OK for someone with hips like I have, they are not made for any woman who does not have a relatively flat stomach. Which I do not, nor will I ever have it without surgical intervention. Not only are they not flattering, they are not particularly comfortable. Even getting the next size up (a good idea in retrospect) would not really solve either of those problems.
So much for feeling sexy because of some cute new panties. I'll have to look for other means of finding that spark in myself. At least I did not pay full price to find out that Victoria's Secret stuff ain't all that.
And at least none of the pairs were in my favorite leopard print. My disappointment would have been total. ;-)
Sunday, July 6, 2008
my favorite human
Joe is my favorite human being this week. Read this to find out why.
I hope that I will always follow his example and step up to the plate whenever I have the opportunity to save a life. I have already investigated when the next donor registration drives in my city will take place, including 2 days later this year at the university where I work.
I hope that I will always follow his example and step up to the plate whenever I have the opportunity to save a life. I have already investigated when the next donor registration drives in my city will take place, including 2 days later this year at the university where I work.
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