letters and memories

In my bedroom closet, I have a copy paper box. It is filled with letters and cards that I've received from friends and family over the years. Before the days of email and Facebook and texting, I actually was a fairly prolific letter writer, particularly between the ages of 13 and 28 or so. I had several friends during those years who lived across the state or across the country, and I kept up correspondence by letter since it was cheaper than long-distance telephone rates. And it was fun to get mail.

I decided to pull out the box tonight and start sorting through it, and decide whether it was time to let some of them go. I am rereading many of the letters as part of this process. I expected the trip down memory lane to be fun, and it has been so far. I didn't expect to find myself tearing up at times, but that has happened too. I miss the closeness I used to have with some of the friends who wrote those letters, and despite the ease of electronic communications, I know that we will never recreate the kind of friendships we used to have.

I have many more letters to go through,this is probably a weekend-long project. Some won't have an emotional tie for me anymore and those I will finally discard. Others will be very bittersweet, because they came from people who have since died and those letters may be the only thing I have left from them. Those I will keep, along with at least some of the ones from some of the more significant friendships of my past and present.

There are a few that made me laugh outright. This letter was written by my youngest sister, aged 11 at the time, when I was in my freshman year at Ohio State.




I still write real letters from time to time, although mostly if I do, the letter is to Joe. After all, a romance should have real love letters. ;-) Letter writing is not as easy as it used to be for me, though, I am woefully out of practice. I could make a vow to do better, but I suspect I would not be very successful at keeping it. Handwritten correspondence is going the way of the dodo, and I am one of the guilty parties in its ultimate demise.

February 14

Today is Valentine's Day. For the past several days, people have been posting the following as their Facebook status, along with a change in their profile photo:

To celebrate Valentines Day, change your profile picture to you and your spouse/significant other. Re-post, and make sure to tell how long you've been together!

Sometimes I wonder if social media connections can result in people feeling even more alone. When you are lonely and believe you are unlovable, days like Valentine's Day can enhance those feelings and beliefs even more. I know. I was there, for many years. It took me a long time to learn how to love myself so that love between others was no longer threatening.

On this Valentine's Day, I am solo but not lonely and alone. I do have someone I love dearly, and who loves me in return. To the best of my ability, I try to make sure he always knows it. Living 2000 miles apart means that we cannot take for granted that the other person knows what we think and how we feel.

Still, I have friends who wish to be in a relationship, but for whatever reason, life hasn't worked out that way for them. So instead of following the Facebook crowd and posting that status, I left my photo as it was (shown below) and posted the following status:

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” Jalal ad-Din Rumi

I hope everyone takes the time to love themselves just a bit more today. You may not be perfect, but that's probably what I like best about you.

The quote by Rumi has been a favorite of mine for years, in large part because it was what I have been trying to do for myself and I still need to work on it. I don't mean to imply that I think my friends need fixing. I just wanted my friends, regardless of their relationship status, to know that I was thinking of them and love them just for who they are and I hope they love themselves as well. I hope I succeeded in that.

I am standing in front of the Conservatory of Flowers, in Golden Gate Park, San Francisco.