I should be working on an assignment for my class. Instead, I've been reading blogs and such. I found an article called Sleeping Around Craigslist. I had not realized that Craigslist had personals ads, so for amusement sake, I decided to check it out. I have no intention of posting an ad or responding to any, I have given up again on internet dating. But the article piqued my curiosity so I had to check it out.
I found this ad from some 27 y/o here in town.
**Blind man seeking a butterface**
Handsome blind man seeking a butterface. Why butterface? Because I'm a realist. Must have sexy voice, good skin, and pleasant smell as my other senses are extra sensitive. If mountain climbing, bike ridding or hunting is your thing, we might not be an ideal match. I enjoy live music, and I'm not a big fan of silent movies. Please reply with a pic. Thanks.
It made me wonder... if he really is blind, why the f*** does he need a photo? Hence my initial amusement.
That is when I decided to look up just what the heck butterface meant. What the hell?!
I guess I should not be surprised that such a demeaning term even exists. It's the same mindset that calls men's tank-style undershirts "wifebeaters". The first time I heard that term, it was used by the 17 y/o grandson of my then-administrative assistant. He did not get why it angered me, nor why I insisted that he not use the term around me.
With respect to butterface, it does not surprise me that there is no male equivalent. Men's bodies are not generally objectified in the same way that women's are, to the extent that the woman's mind and heart don't matter. This word basically lays that sexist attitude all out, and says directly what had previously just been strongly implied: that the only thing of value to a woman is below the neck anyway.
It always draws attention when one partner in a relationship is deemed as significantly more attractive than the other. What gets me is that no matter which way it goes, the woman loses out. If it is a homely man-beautiful woman pairing, the man receives all sorts of praise for his "accomplishment". The woman is assumed to be a gold-digger because the only reason she could want to be with him is his money, right? On the flip-side, if it is a handsome man-plain woman pairing, people assume that the woman is very generous with her sexual favors (again, lucky guy!), because otherwise how would she land such a good-looking guy.
Ugh.
I suppose I could throw out words like patriarchy and such as a way to explain how this sort of crap exists but that's not me. I may be feminist and taking women's studies classes, but I kinda skipped a few steps along the way and just don't have that vocabulary down yet (though I suppose I'd better start building it if I do decide to go back to grad school).
But please. Think about the words you use.
6 comments:
niiiiiiice.
but i still say beater.
it has some funny/scary stories for me.
but i don't say wife beater.
cuz um...yeah. have you met me?
I can understand the good smell part. But like you I wonder why he wants a picture. What's he going to do? Have one of his sighted friends look at it and judge for him. I feel the same way about the term "wifebeaters". Do people not understand how that term came about? I refuse to let my students that know that term use it in my presence and I lectured one of them on it once. He had no idea what the conotation of it meant. Needless to say he still uses the term I am sure. Just not around me.
Hmmm, a derogatory term it is and I would not want someone who used it either. But it brings to mind two stories: In CAP your dad and I knew two very nice but also homely (a nicer term) man and woman. They found each other and married happily. Goes to show you, there is a man for every woman and the reverse.
Locally, one of the McDermott girls, Michelle?, nice but plain, found a hubby at the dialysis place. He is blind and very rich! They also made a happy couple.
Both of these couples looked beyond the physical and found soul mates.
I am not really anon, I just can't figure out my password to post to your blog.
Mom
LOL, I figured out it was you, Mom. :-)
You know, I never heard the term wifebeater until literally a couple years ago.
I learned then it originated from a Hollywood movie stereotype, which I guess isn't surprising based on the other unfortunate stereotypes and norms that originate out of there and are too commonplace in society as a whole
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