I am currently a subject in a fairly involved research study that is going to compare stress intervention programs. (Supposedly anyway... anyone involved in research knows that the subject is never told the whole story until the end.) As a lead up to the program itself, for the past week, I've had to answer several questionnaires online every day in the evening. They ask about food/exercise habits, my thoughts/feelings for the day, positive/negative events with family, friends, and coworkers, etc.
Two of the questions I have had to answer daily deal with whether I'd experienced any positive thoughts about past relationships and whether I'd experienced any negative thoughts about past relationships.
Today, I realized that whenever I think about my romantic history, the thoughts are always negative. They are either negative about the guy, the situation, or how I feel about myself as a result of what happened (or didn't happen). This is true even when I can identify very positive interactions during the course of the relationship itself, and even in those cases where I still maintain a friendly relationship with the man in question.
Well fuck. No wonder I'm so ambivalent about the whole relationship thing.
Cultural messages versus psychological baggage.... it's enough to drive a girl crazy.
No comments:
Post a Comment