I started this blog on Jan 1, 2008. Since that time, I have written 127 posts according to my behind the scenes stats. That does not include several that I began and then later deleted the unposted drafts for a variety of reasons. I spent some time the other night reading through all those posts, starting with the most recent and working my way backward for ease of navigation.
It was interesting to review my blog so far in total. I had short goofy posts, I had long introspective ones. While I really like many of them, my personal favorite posts were the Great Spider Conspiracy, Adios Barbie, the Fat Girl Filter, and Being Remembered. The comments I have received from my friends and family have also been very valuable to me, particularly in those posts when I am exploring what my actual thoughts and feelings are with respect to the topic at hand.
In recent months, my posting has dropped off a bit, mostly because my job has been demanding enough to leave me ready to not think too hard in the evenings. However, some of the reduced posting frequency is due to self-censorship. For all that I write about my personal thoughts, feelings, and values here, I still am a fairly private person. One of my friends says that I play my hand close to my chest and that it is difficult to know what I am thinking.
I think that is a fair assessment. It's a survival skill that gets in the way sometimes. I know I do not react in certain situations the way that others might expect me to. That's not always a bad thing, who wants to be like everyone else, right? But I think it also limits me. I'll leave more detailed thoughts on that for a future post though.
Overall, 2008 was a better year than I've had in awhile, though I certainly had my down moments. It ended on a good note, though, and I'm really looking forward to good things for 2009. Whether they happen or not, I'm sure I'll be writing about them here. :-)
2 comments:
you know.... on line journals are complicated spaces. they are really fairly self indulgent if you think about it.
but i think its a space that you still censor very seriously. putting things in to writing changes the reality or at least what you're doing with it.
and then there's that whole thing where when you vent, people are very likely to think its about them. which can lead to real life complications (not what you want when your goal is to organize your thoughts and life).
Yes. I knew you would get where I was going with this.
By preparing my thoughts for public consumption, it does force me to take a critical look at them and challenge myself, even when those thoughts never make it on the page. Even if that process ends up changing them in the way you describe, I know that the change does not have to be a bad thing.
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