some dating thoughts

I have had a few guys email me through the personals site this week. I've started conversations with two of them, and we'll see how it goes. One is even a runner whose pace is similar to mine.

Here is another one that came in yesterday (identifying info removed):

Hi, my name is S---. I like your profile and your pic! You're a looker, looks like you have some character! Maybe we could chat sometime, try to get to know each other and see where things go. If you would be interested shoot me a simple e mail back here or catch me on Y IM, my ID there is XXXXXXX. Hope to hear from you, S---

Seriously? People use the word "looker" to describe women still? I have not heard that word in a long time.

I am not going to answer this one. While his photo is attractive enough and there is nothing particularly objectionable in his profile, his message put me off. He clearly has a high priority on the physical traits of a woman and frankly, I'm not sure I measure up to that standard.

Now, I promise I'm not getting down on myself by saying that. As long as I'm not feeling particularly depressed about something, I think I look okay. Some days, I might even think I look pretty. However, I did choose particularly flattering photos for my profile (including the one here on this blog) and they don't show the squishy bits and droopy bits. I'm more girl-next-door than super model, and I'm OK with that. Not sure this guy would be.

I have 2 major anxieties when it comes to re-entering the dating world. One is not something that I will post about in my blog. The other one, though, is how/when to bring up my weight loss with a new guy. During one of my prior forays into the dating thing, I dated a guy for about 6 weeks. I had lost over 100 lbs at that point, but was still right around 200 lbs. I mentioned twice (on different occasions) about having lost "some" weight and the 2nd time he asked me how much I'd lost.

I told him. His response? "Oh." Not in an "Oh, that's great!" tone of voice either.

I took it to mean that he was doing a mental recalculation of me and wasn't sure he liked it. After all, the long term success rate for maintaining weight loss is not that great. I was certain that he was thinking "oh shit, is she gonna get fat on me?" He probably wasn't, but I'll never know for certain because I didn't ask.

I ended things a couple weeks later for other reasons, but his response really stuck with me. I began to fear that other guys would get weird about my weight loss too. When I look at men's profiles, I check to see what their preferences are for body type. Most men list a few of the options as being fine. I have myself listed as average, which is true enough these days. But I have to say, I feel better when I see that the guy has "a few extra pounds" listed as one of their choices.