maybe I've finally got it?

I put away my Weight Watcher information today.

Back in Dec 2003, I joined Weight Watchers. I was nervous and nearly chickened out, but I went with a friend. I stuck to it more-or-less faithfully for 3+ years, eventually losing ~160 lbs or right about 1/2 my body weight. Over the past year, however, I stopped really tracking what I'm eating, and just am trying to make good choices overall. The last time I actively counted "points" was 3 months ago, and for at least 6 months before that, I only made half-hearted attempts at recording my food intake.

I never made it to my ultimate goal weight, still being about 12-15 lbs over on any given day. I am not convinced that the healthy weight range (based on BMI) that WW uses is really that valid for someone who has lost as much as I have. I have excess skin that someone who only had to lose 20 lbs would not have. I have extra fat cells as well, because once you have fat cells, they do not go away, they just store less fat in them.

In any case, I find that I am satisfied with where I am currently. I have maintained this same weight, within 2-4 lbs, for over 12 months now, regardless of whether I followed WW or not. I still weigh myself almost every morning, and make adjustments to what I'm eating if I find that I'm creeping up a little. It's far less emotionally taxing than making attempts to lose those last 15 lbs and getting frustrated when I am getting nowhere.

I think I have found my equilibrium. I think I have finally gotten it.

I still have body image issues, getting to that arbitrary goal weight isn't going to fix those. Most of it is mental clutter anyway, and the fact that what I see in the mirror is not always what others around me see. I still need to work on that, those are harder changes than changing my food intake or activity level.